Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
