i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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