So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
