Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
