oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I color on your dick again?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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