You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
