Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
