I accidentally had phone sex last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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