I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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