real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
