oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
