he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
