We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So squirting runs in the family.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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