i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
