They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
