I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
