Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
