At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
