it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He felt like a one man threesome
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
