This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
