I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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