woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
