I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
