He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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