Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
