Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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