everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
