There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
