I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
