it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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