Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
