Little spoons don't ask big questions
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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