no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
