ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
