she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
