Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
