put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
