So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
