i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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