Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
