And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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