You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
