In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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