Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize