but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
