She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
