I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
