I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
