roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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