looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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