i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
