I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
