this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
