Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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