I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
