i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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