He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize