well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
