I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
