Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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