Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
