i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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