True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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