We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
