Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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