apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
