i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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