i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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