I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize