cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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