doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
