I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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