i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
