We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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