You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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