He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize