you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
