I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
