no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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